The Best Kept Secret for Resolving Disputes

Change can be a positive force in the life of an elder

This is an article written by an expert in the field - a long-time lawyer who now specializes in helping individuals resolve disputes.

Current or anticipated changes in the life of a family elder can trigger a variety of conflicts within the extended family. Changes such as the death of a spouse, the elder’s declining health, general health and safety concerns, issues around independence, self-determination, and the safety of the elder, and others often act as triggering events for conflict within a family. A change in relationships can also trigger family conflict. Changes such as subsequent remarriage, grandparent relationships, and caregiver issues can be fuel for disagreements. In addition, the financial problems that arise as we age, such as tax and estate planning, the sale of a house or other valuable assets, and inheritance disputes, may be impossible for families to discuss without the conversation unraveling. Don’t be surprised if medical treatment decisions devolve into chaos, too. Issues such as the naming of a healthcare proxy and the sharing of medical diagnoses and treatment can significantly impact everyone in the family.

Often the conflicts that arise from these triggers are not the typical disputes the legal system is designed to handle. While social workers and therapists may support the individuals involved in the conflicts, mediation is the best forum for bringing everyone to the table.

Here’s why mediation is the best-kept secret for resolving disputes:

1. Mediation is confidential. A mediator is a trained facilitator whose sole purpose is to create a neutral place for families in conflict to identify the issues creating the problem, clarify their interests and concerns, and work towards a solution everyone can live with.

2. Mediation is fast and economical. A mediator can resolve conflicts more quickly than the courts, and a mediator doesn’t require a legal proceeding to be brought before family members can sit down to have a facilitated conversation. The mediator can explain issues to all parties involved.

When family members gather to mediate decisions affecting an elder, the elder’s wishes and desires are the priority. Elder mediation goes beyond the limited choices offered in the “win-lose” setting of litigation, allowing everyone to think outside the box and come up with solutions that meet the elder’s needs, moving beyond any entrenched positions that different family members may have by identifying common interests and concerns while fashioning solutions in the elder’s best interests.

Elder mediations often have an additional goal:

• Maintain the family members’ connections with each other after the immediate decision-making challenges have been met.

So when change comes to an older loved one in your life, requiring difficult

decisions, mediation can provide a confidential method for resolving family disputes, which can go a long way to preserving and even improving essential family relationships.

See “Preparing for Mediation,” American Bar Association, Section of Dispute Resolution.

For more information on mediation or to find out if mediation could be a solution for your clients, contact the author of this article: Marcy Einhorn, at marcyesque@gmail.com